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July 31, 2007

TONE MATTERS.

I COULD WRITE THIS BLOG FOR TEN MORE YEARS -- BUT THIS WILL BE THE BEST LINK HEADLINE EVER.

Man walks free after sheep refuses to testify | Metro.co.uk

WORST. OLYMPIC. SPORT. EVER.

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High-heel sprint held in St. Petersburg

UHHH....

"If you are like millions of women (or men I guess) who are self conscious about your smile, now you can have a perfect smile in only minutes, with the Beauty Smile Trainer. Just place the rubber trainer in your mouth for an instant forced smile."

Neatorama - Get a Perfect Smile in Minutes!


I'M NOT SURE WHY I FIND THIS IDEA AS FRIGHTENING AS I DO.

"FLEXPETZ is a shared dog ownership concept that provides our members with access to a variety of FLEXPETZ dogs. All FLEXPETZ dogs complete obedience training and some FLEXPETZ dogs are also certified as therapy dogs. Through the FLEXPETZ shared dog ownership concept, members can spend from just a few hours to a number of days with each of our dogs. FLEXPETZ dogs are available in varied breed sizes to ensure compatibility with our member's individual lifestyles and unique circumstances."

FLEXPETZ - Flexible Pet Ownership


THIS YEAR'S OK GO.

MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME THAT IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

Chief Justice Roberts Suffers Seizure - The Huffington Post

AS A FRIEND OF MINE SAYS, "WATCH THIS!" IS THE LAST THING YOU EVER HEAR FROM A REDNECK.

July 30, 2007

AHHHH...SPORTSMANSHIP.

July 29, 2007

THE MAN IN BLACK ON THE SPORTING EXPERIENCE.

THE MASHUPS CONTINUE.

MASH IT UP.

REZNOR + LENNON.

GETTING DOWN TO IT.

"Yes, Mississippi sucks. Merely looking at a map of the U.S. makes it hard to gauge just how crappy this state really is -- one needs to dig deeper, beyond lackluster test scores and the single largest collection of interstate potholes that would put any former Soviet backwater to shame."

Drivl.com | Mississippi: 51st in everything


YEAH - I THINK MY STOMACH'S PASSING THE VIRUS ALONG TO MY BUTT.

Obesity is 'contagious,' study finds - Los Angeles Times

THIS WEEK IN THE INCREASING SELFISHNESS OF THE AMERICAN PUBLIC.

Driver caught with mannequin for passenger in HOV lane 

Also this:

Passenger who misses flight calls in bomb scare to delay takeoff 

 

GO GOB GO.

"Josh rode a Segway from Seattle to Boston, while Hunter directed this soul-searching documentary."

10 MPH - Segway across America - A Documentary Film

July 28, 2007

SEEMS LIKE A REALLY GOOD IDEA. WELL, AT LEAST FOR YOUR CAPITALIST CRONIES.

BBC NEWS | Americas | US 'plans huge Saudi arms deal'

JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING HOW THIS STORY TURNED OUT.

wcco.com - Wis. Grave Robbers' Sex Assault Charges Dropped

July 27, 2007

A LOT LIKE OWNING A PUG.

JUST FANTASTIC.

FOX NEWS ATTACKS THE INTERNET.

I'VE DEVELOPED QUITE A CRUSH ON HELEN THOMAS.

Thomas To Snow: "You're Not Speaking English, Really" - Politics on The Huffington Post

EVEN THE IDEA OF 'METH MOUTH' MAKES ME THROW UP IN MINE A LITTLE.

Lawmakers want to fight 'meth mouth'

TRUST ME -- I KNOW WE WANT TO PUNISH PEOPLE AND ALL -- BUT WE REALLY DON'T WANT THEM ALL PENT UP. LET'S NOT BE RIDONKULOUS.

Inmate found guilty in masturbation trial - MiamiHerald.com

YEP. BACON SALT. OUR SINS AGAINST FOOD CONTINUE.

Bacon Salt

Originally found here.

July 25, 2007

KANYE W. - MEET ZACH G.

KANYE WEST | STRONGER

July 24, 2007

TETRIS WITH STATES.

MapMSG.com - Statetris

I'M PRETTY SURE THE CLASS IS TAUGHT BY GEORGE BLUTH SR.

Local inmates use yoga to look inward before getting out 

YEAH, NOT EXACTLY THE LINCOLN-DOUGLAS DEBATES...

Well, I mean what with the talking snowman and all.

Questions, not answers, highlight YouTube debate - CNN.com

WORST. WALMART PURCHASE STORY. EVER.

I'm warning you - click only if you haven't eaten within the last few hours. You've been warned.

Flip Flops Cause Chemical Burns

July 23, 2007

AH...JUST THE GREATEST HITS.

SO THAT'S WHERE CARLOS MENCIA GOT HIS TRAINING.

WATCH YOUR BACKS, SHOWCASE GIRLS.

'Price is Right' for Drew Carey - Yahoo! News

COULD BE THE WORST. PORNO PLOT. EVER.

YEAH - THIS PROBABLY DOESN'T HELP THE CONTROVERSY -- NOT ONE BIT.

MICHAEL VICK MEETS CAT STEVENS.

SEEMS SIMPLE ENOUGH.

July 21, 2007

THIS IS A BIT LONG...BUT MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE PART WHERE TOM DELAY MAKES A RIDICULOUS POINT ABOUT ABORTION.

YOU REALLY HAVE TO READ THIS TO BELIEVE IT.

"jetBlue donated a few tickets to YearlyKos. Bill O’Reilly had a stroke. And now, well, so much for jetBlue."

jetRed | Slog | The Stranger's Blog

July 20, 2007

WE ALL CELEBRATE A MOVIE PREMIERE IN OUR OWN WAY.

THERE'S "I SMOKE A LITTLE TOO MUCH" AND THEN THERE'S "I OWN A SMOKER'S BIB."

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SMOKER'S BIB - Taylor Gifts

Thanks as always.

JUST A FANTASTIC IDEA FOR THE CLOSETED HARRY POTTER FAN.

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"Do you love Harry Potter, but think you're too old and too awesome to be seen reading the books? We have the solution, my friend. Print these out and you can safely read your Potter in front of all those ex Navy SEALS."

Harry Potter Book Disguises


July 19, 2007

AND HERE'S YOUR VIDEO REASON TO LOVE THE ONION.


Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

SOMETIMES YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. AT ALL.

TODAY'S REASON TO LOVE THE ONION.

Authorities Discover Illegal Frog-Jumping Ring In Eli Manning's Backyard 

KIND OF A SAD ENDING.

BRING 'EM BACK HOME.

SURE GO AHEAD - CLICK IF YOU LIKE - BUT DON'T BLAME ME IF YOU CAN'T SLEEP TONIGHT.

"At first glance, it may look as if Bhagat had given birth. Actually, Mehta had removed the mutated body of Bhagat's twin brother from his stomach. Bhagat, they discovered, had one of the world's most bizarre medical conditions -- fetus in fetu. It is an extremely rare abnormality that occurs when a fetus gets trapped inside its twin."

ABC News: A Pregnant Man?


IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR VIDEO OF A GROUP OF JERSEY-CLAD CRIMINALS DISTANCING THEMSELVES FROM DIVISION II OPPONENTS ON THE FIELD OF PLAY, WITH A SPRINKLE OF RELIGIOUS AND HOMOEROTIC OVERTONES – WELL THEN, THIS-MY FRIEND-IS THE LINK FOR YOU.

YouTube - Show Me the Way

AND APPARENTLY, YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THIS.

“I’m not going to talk about my campaign anymore,” McCain said in a sharp tone. “I’m finished with talking about it.

CNN.com - McCain snaps: ‘Finished’ discussing campaign


THERE IS SUCH A THING AS TOO GREEN.

 "So, the city wants to take your food scraps, use them for themselves, and still charge you if you're doing the compost work yourself and giving them no food scraps to recycle."

Metroblogging Seattle: On food scraps recycling


CAREFUL WHEN BUYING THOSE KEYWORDS.

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The Perils of Contextual Advertising - AdPulp

WE'RE MORE THAN JUST RED AND BLUE NOW.

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"While it’s still far too early to make any predictions about who will win the nominations, we can gauge public interest pretty easily by looking at traffic to each candidate’s website. And with the help of some nifty mapping software that my colleague Max Freiert recently purchased, we can track those traffic patterns on a state-by-state level."

If Clicks Were Votes - Republican Candidates

LIVING IN SURVEILLANCE CULTURE.

Guaranteed to be one of the most distubing things you're gonna see today.

THE WHITE STRIPES DO A FREE CONCERT...AND WALK THAT FINE LINE BETWEEN BEING COOL, AND JUST BEING A DICK.

THE PERILS OF TRYING TO MAKE YOUR SOCIAL MESSAGE "COOL."

By the way, this is a parody. I repeat, this is not a real ad.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS BEING SAID HERE...

But apparently, in China, Buick's the brand for stoners.

WHERE, OH WHERE, IS THE YOUTUBE FOOTAGE OF THIS?

Jon Lovitz Beats Up Andy Dick

FACEBOOK FOR DUMMIES.

Dow Jones Single Title Player

July 18, 2007

HERE WE GO AGAIN...AND AGAIN.

Chappelle OK after brief hospitalization - Yahoo! News

THE STRANGER GETS TO THE BOTTOM LINE ON CHEWIE.

"The relationship between Han Solo and Chewbecca is not as severe as the colonial one, but it’s certainly not the ideal democratic relationship. Without free speech there can be no real freedom. The one that speaks will always have power over the one that can not speak. In sum, Chewbacca is the ideal slave."

Slog | The Stranger's Blog | The Stranger | Seattle's Only Newspaper


July 16, 2007

SEE HOW "WALKABLE" YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD IS.

Walk Score - How walkable is your house?

July 15, 2007

HARD FOR PEOPLE TO BUY YOUR PRODUCT WHEN YOUR ADS PRODUCE REPRESSION.

HARD TO BELIEVE YOU DON'T HEAR THIS LINE IN ADVERTISING MORE OFTEN.

MIGHT EXPLAIN THAT STRETCHER WE'RE USING AT GUANTANAMO.

U.S. No Longer Tallest Country in World - The Huffington Post r

July 14, 2007

SIR - I WATCHED BILL COSBY...YOU'RE NO BILL COSBY.

"In the final days of his imploding candidacy, John McCain has taken a page out of Richard Nixon's play book, finding increasingly bizarre explanations for his political failures. Strangest of all: He reportedly feels his handlers forced him to wear "gay sweaters."

Fresh Intelligence : Radar Online

NOT EXACTLY AS GOOD AS TOM DELAY'S MUG SHOT NOW - IS IT?

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Rep. Bob Allen arrested on sex charge -- OrlandoSentinel.com

I'M BEGINNING TO GET QUITE THE SICK FEELING IN MY STOMACH MYSELF.

"Chertoff said there are not enough indications of an imminent plot to raise the current threat levels nationwide. And he indicated his remarks were based on "a gut feeling" formed by past seasonal patterns of terrorist attacks, recent al-Qaida statements, and intelligence he did not disclose."

Chertoff has 'gut feeling' of summer terror attack | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle


DEFINITELY THE BEST ONE YET.

THE DRUG CZAR ISN'T.

"John P. Walters, President Bush's drug czar, said the people who plant and tend the gardens are terrorists who wouldn't hesitate to help other terrorists get into the country with the aim of causing mass casualties. Walters made the comments at a Thursday press conference that provided an update on the "Operation Alesia" marijuana-eradication effort."

Drug czar gives warning : Local : Redding Record Searchlight


RUDY'S ONTO US.

"Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani said Tuesday that people who want to legalize marijuana for medical purposes really just want to make the drug available to everyone."

Giuliani Rejects Medical Marijuana Use | World Latest | Guardian Unlimited


JAM BAND FAN OR TALIBAN?

jam band fan or taliban?

PROVING ONCE AGAIN - THAT IT'S POSSIBLE TO BE BOTH JOLLY AND TERRIFYING.

Paging M. Night.

SHAKESPEARE. HIPPIES....NUDE.

"Audience reactions to the Washington Shakespeare Company's "Macbeth" are telling: Folks in the front sometimes cringe and move back a few rows during intermission. One man watched the play with a program in front of his eyes, blocking out the lower half of his field of vision. Clearly, an all-nude production of the Shakespearean tragedy is not for everyone."

Macduff in the Buff in All-Nude Shakespeare Performance


July 11, 2007

TODAY'S NEWS IN THE WORLD OF CONSUMERISM.

Mom Blames Great Store Sale for Leaving Child in Hot Car

July 10, 2007

INDOOR. SOCCER. SO, SO EURO. AND SO SEVENTIES.

PARTY WITH AL GORE.

"Dancing all night can use up a lot of energy, or create it -- at least that's what a group of Dutch-researchers-cum-nightclub-impressarios hope when they're done with the Sustainable Dance Club (SDC). Based in Rotterdam, the Netherlands, the researchers and architects behind the SDC are working on creating a club that will use solar power, wind turbines, low-energy-using LED lights, and rain water and clubgoers' sweat (yes, you heard correctly) to flush toilets.

But the real innovation is to develop a dance floor that creates power out of the pounding feet of dancers. The dance floor would be embedded with sensors that would help generate electricity."

Dancers Fuel New Nightclub - Literally - Switched. Gadgets. Tech. Digital Stuff for the Rest of Us.


TODAY'S APOCALYPSE UPDATE. NEXT WEEK'S FORECAST: 85% CHANCE OF LOCUSTS.

Petless family forced to flee mysterious flea invasion | Seattle Times 

LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO BE WATCHING A LITTLE LESS POSTSEASON BASEBALL THIS YEAR.

I guess, we're only one year away from Major League Baseball's new campaign: "Baseball - Git R Done!"

Yuk. Yuk.

Yuck. 

Dane Cook Is The Face Of Postseason Baseball - Deadspin

July 09, 2007

BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU, JOHN MCCAIN.

"Though often regarded as a longshot candidate for president, Republican Ron Paul tells ABC News that he has an impressive $2.4 million in cash on hand after raising an equal amount during the second quarter, putting him ahead of one-time Republican frontrunner John McCain, who reported this week he has only $2 million in the bank."

Political Radar: Ron Paul Tops McCain in Cash on Hand


YEP - THE PARTY IS SURE TOUGH ON TERROR.

"A secret military operation in early 2005 to capture senior members of Al Qaeda in Pakistan’s tribal areas was aborted at the last minute after top Bush administration officials decided it was too risky and could jeopardize relations with Pakistan."

U.S. Aborted Raid on Qaeda Chiefs in Pakistan in ’05 - New York Times


AH - I LOVE MONDAYS.

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Residents of Oregon town say shape of traffic posts is offensive |

Thanks be.

HIS FOOT ON THE ARMREST? YOU KNOW, I THINK I'VE BEEN SEATED NEXT TO CLAY AIKEN A COUPLE OF TIMES.

Clay Aiken Involved in Airplane Spat - The Huffington Post

July 06, 2007

SIMPLE SOLUTIONS.

ecoIron - All these whirring boxes.: Black Google Would Save 750 Megawatt-hours a Year

SO DISTURBING AND SO HYPNOTIC ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

Toto | Washlet 

JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED THE MOST AGGRAVATING HEADLINE EVER.

Private contractors outnumber U.S. troops in Iraq - Los Angeles Times

WHAT A WAY TO SELL THE BENEFIT OF SPACE.

AND ALSO...IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND...COULD YOU MOVE A COUPLE OF CUBICLES OVER?

"The drug’s maker, GlaxoSmithKline, has been up front about the pill’s side effects, suggesting that first timers wear dark pants or bring a change of clothes to work until they get used to the diet pill’s potentially yucky consequences."

Diet pill’s icky side effects keep users honest - Diet & Nutrition - MSNBC.com


THAT'S SOME AGGRESIVE DANCING CONSIDERING YOU'RE FOUR AND A HALF GAMES OUT OF FIRST.

OF COURSE, A LIVE-IN BATTING CAGE IN THE SEATTLE AREA'D GO FOR ABOUT $800,000.

"Amber Willits, the wife of Angels outfielder Reggie Willits, has taken hardball devotion to a new level. For the past three years, she has made a home, raised a son and helped develop a .300 hitter — all in an indoor batting cage."

Life in a Cage: Baby Sleeps, Mom Cooks, Dad Bats - New York Times

WE HAVE OFFICIALLY GIVEN UP.

"Kick back and relax this summer in the Braves new All-You-Can-Eat Seats! Purchase a Basic Package and enjoy UNLIMITED ballpark fare including Hot Dogs, Nachos, peanuts, popcorn and Coca-Cola products...all for one low price! Or upgrade to the BBQ and More Package and enjoy UNLIMITED ballpark fare plus BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwiches, BBQ Chicken Wings, Cole Slaw, Baked Potato Salad, Corn Bread and Budweiser and Bud Light."

The Official Site of The Atlanta Braves: Tickets: Braves All-You-Can-Eat Seats


July 05, 2007

TWITTER FROM THE CUBICLE.

"it is over 100 degress outside. If my coworker turns the AC off one more time I swear I will cut her. Or maybe just drip sweat on her."

Because a lot can happen between 9 and 5. | trueofficeconfessions.com


YOU JUST CAN'T SPELL CORRUPTION WITHOUR KBR.

Construction Woes Add to Fears at Embassy in Iraq - washingtonpost.com

STAYING CLASSY, ONE MIDWESTERN CITY AT A TIME.

Big Box: Walmart Took Secret Life Insurance Policies Out On Employees, Collected After Their Death - Consumerist

YEAH - BUT DON'T MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS...THIS IS THE SAME ADMINISTRATION THAT THOUGHT IRAQ WOULD BE A MINOR OBSTACLE.

"Bush administration officials, he said, "believe that they should be able to do what they want to do, and that the law is a minor obstacle."

Bill Clinton blasts commutation of Libby's prison sentence - CNN.com

Thanks to the great Huffington Post for the find.

July 04, 2007

BRING IT.

July 03, 2007

COULD BE GOOD NEWS FOR THE ADVERTISING BRAND MANAGER FOR THE METH ACCOUNT.

"The 32-year-old Black Eyed Peas singer is the first global star to consent to product placement in her songs - agreeing to include the provocative clothing line Candie's in her lyrics."

A New Low: Fergie Paid To Incorporate Brand Names Into Songs


July 02, 2007

WELL, HEY - THE GUY NEEDS SOMETHING TO DO WHEN HE'S NOT VETOING STEM CELL RESEARCH.

"WASHINGTON - President Bush spared former White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby from a 2 1/2-year prison term in the CIA leak case Monday"

Bush commutes Libby prison sentence - Yahoo! News


SPORTS FASHION FOR MUSLIM WOMEN.

Ahiida - Welcome

YOU JUST KNOW IF THIS WERE AN OLD FRIARS CLUB JOKE, THE ZOO KEEPER'D HAVE A FUNNY PUNCHLINE THAT STARTED WITH..."DON'T LOOK AT ME, I..."

"Hansa, Woodland Park Zoo's 6 1/2-year-old elephant, died of a previously undiscovered herpes virus, zoo officials announced Monday."

Herpes cited in death of Hansa


I CONTINUE TO LOVE MCSWEENEY'S.

Signs of Impending Suicide That Hemingway's Friends May Have Overlooked.

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