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July 31, 2007
I COULD WRITE THIS BLOG FOR TEN MORE YEARS -- BUT THIS WILL BE THE BEST LINK HEADLINE EVER.
WORST. OLYMPIC. SPORT. EVER.
UHHH....
"If you are like millions of women (or men I guess) who are self conscious about your smile, now you can have a perfect smile in only minutes, with the Beauty Smile Trainer. Just place the rubber trainer in your mouth for an instant forced smile."
Neatorama - Get a Perfect Smile in Minutes!
I'M NOT SURE WHY I FIND THIS IDEA AS FRIGHTENING AS I DO.
"FLEXPETZ is a shared dog ownership concept that provides our members with access to a variety of FLEXPETZ dogs. All FLEXPETZ dogs complete obedience training and some FLEXPETZ dogs are also certified as therapy dogs. Through the FLEXPETZ shared dog ownership concept, members can spend from just a few hours to a number of days with each of our dogs. FLEXPETZ dogs are available in varied breed sizes to ensure compatibility with our member's individual lifestyles and unique circumstances."
FLEXPETZ - Flexible Pet Ownership
THIS YEAR'S OK GO.
MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME THAT IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
AS A FRIEND OF MINE SAYS, "WATCH THIS!" IS THE LAST THING YOU EVER HEAR FROM A REDNECK.
July 30, 2007
AHHHH...SPORTSMANSHIP.
July 29, 2007
THE MAN IN BLACK ON THE SPORTING EXPERIENCE.
THE MASHUPS CONTINUE.
MASH IT UP.
REZNOR + LENNON.
GETTING DOWN TO IT.
"Yes, Mississippi sucks. Merely looking at a map of the U.S. makes it hard to gauge just how crappy this state really is -- one needs to dig deeper, beyond lackluster test scores and the single largest collection of interstate potholes that would put any former Soviet backwater to shame."
Drivl.com | Mississippi: 51st in everything
YEAH - I THINK MY STOMACH'S PASSING THE VIRUS ALONG TO MY BUTT.
THIS WEEK IN THE INCREASING SELFISHNESS OF THE AMERICAN PUBLIC.
GO GOB GO.
"Josh rode a Segway from Seattle to Boston, while Hunter directed this soul-searching documentary."
July 28, 2007
SEEMS LIKE A REALLY GOOD IDEA. WELL, AT LEAST FOR YOUR CAPITALIST CRONIES.
JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING HOW THIS STORY TURNED OUT.
July 27, 2007
A LOT LIKE OWNING A PUG.
JUST FANTASTIC.
FOX NEWS ATTACKS THE INTERNET.
I'VE DEVELOPED QUITE A CRUSH ON HELEN THOMAS.
EVEN THE IDEA OF 'METH MOUTH' MAKES ME THROW UP IN MINE A LITTLE.
TRUST ME -- I KNOW WE WANT TO PUNISH PEOPLE AND ALL -- BUT WE REALLY DON'T WANT THEM ALL PENT UP. LET'S NOT BE RIDONKULOUS.
YEP. BACON SALT. OUR SINS AGAINST FOOD CONTINUE.
Originally found here.
July 25, 2007
KANYE W. - MEET ZACH G.
July 24, 2007
TETRIS WITH STATES.
I'M PRETTY SURE THE CLASS IS TAUGHT BY GEORGE BLUTH SR.
YEAH, NOT EXACTLY THE LINCOLN-DOUGLAS DEBATES...
Well, I mean what with the talking snowman and all.
Questions, not answers, highlight YouTube debate - CNN.com
WORST. WALMART PURCHASE STORY. EVER.
I'm warning you - click only if you haven't eaten within the last few hours. You've been warned.
Flip Flops Cause Chemical Burns
July 23, 2007
AH...JUST THE GREATEST HITS.
SO THAT'S WHERE CARLOS MENCIA GOT HIS TRAINING.
WATCH YOUR BACKS, SHOWCASE GIRLS.
COULD BE THE WORST. PORNO PLOT. EVER.
YEAH - THIS PROBABLY DOESN'T HELP THE CONTROVERSY -- NOT ONE BIT.
MICHAEL VICK MEETS CAT STEVENS.
SEEMS SIMPLE ENOUGH.
July 21, 2007
THIS IS A BIT LONG...BUT MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE PART WHERE TOM DELAY MAKES A RIDICULOUS POINT ABOUT ABORTION.
YOU REALLY HAVE TO READ THIS TO BELIEVE IT.
"jetBlue donated a few tickets to YearlyKos. Bill O’Reilly had a stroke. And now, well, so much for jetBlue."
July 20, 2007
WE ALL CELEBRATE A MOVIE PREMIERE IN OUR OWN WAY.
THERE'S "I SMOKE A LITTLE TOO MUCH" AND THEN THERE'S "I OWN A SMOKER'S BIB."
JUST A FANTASTIC IDEA FOR THE CLOSETED HARRY POTTER FAN.
"Do you love Harry Potter, but think you're too old and too awesome to be seen reading the books? We have the solution, my friend. Print these out and you can safely read your Potter in front of all those ex Navy SEALS."
July 19, 2007
AND HERE'S YOUR VIDEO REASON TO LOVE THE ONION.
SOMETIMES YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. AT ALL.
TODAY'S REASON TO LOVE THE ONION.
KIND OF A SAD ENDING.
BRING 'EM BACK HOME.
SURE GO AHEAD - CLICK IF YOU LIKE - BUT DON'T BLAME ME IF YOU CAN'T SLEEP TONIGHT.
"At first glance, it may look as if Bhagat had given birth. Actually, Mehta had removed the mutated body of Bhagat's twin brother from his stomach. Bhagat, they discovered, had one of the world's most bizarre medical conditions -- fetus in fetu. It is an extremely rare abnormality that occurs when a fetus gets trapped inside its twin."
IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR VIDEO OF A GROUP OF JERSEY-CLAD CRIMINALS DISTANCING THEMSELVES FROM DIVISION II OPPONENTS ON THE FIELD OF PLAY, WITH A SPRINKLE OF RELIGIOUS AND HOMOEROTIC OVERTONES – WELL THEN, THIS-MY FRIEND-IS THE LINK FOR YOU.
AND APPARENTLY, YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THIS.
“I’m not going to talk about my campaign anymore,” McCain said in a sharp tone. “I’m finished with talking about it.
CNN.com - McCain snaps: ‘Finished’ discussing campaign
THERE IS SUCH A THING AS TOO GREEN.
"So, the city wants to take your food scraps, use them for themselves, and still charge you if you're doing the compost work yourself and giving them no food scraps to recycle."
Metroblogging Seattle: On food scraps recycling
CAREFUL WHEN BUYING THOSE KEYWORDS.
WE'RE MORE THAN JUST RED AND BLUE NOW.
"While it’s still far too early to make any predictions about who will win the nominations, we can gauge public interest pretty easily by looking at traffic to each candidate’s website. And with the help of some nifty mapping software that my colleague Max Freiert recently purchased, we can track those traffic patterns on a state-by-state level."
LIVING IN SURVEILLANCE CULTURE.
Guaranteed to be one of the most distubing things you're gonna see today.
THE WHITE STRIPES DO A FREE CONCERT...AND WALK THAT FINE LINE BETWEEN BEING COOL, AND JUST BEING A DICK.
THE PERILS OF TRYING TO MAKE YOUR SOCIAL MESSAGE "COOL."
By the way, this is a parody.
I repeat, this is not a real ad.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS BEING SAID HERE...
But apparently, in China, Buick's the brand for stoners.
WHERE, OH WHERE, IS THE YOUTUBE FOOTAGE OF THIS?
FACEBOOK FOR DUMMIES.
July 18, 2007
HERE WE GO AGAIN...AND AGAIN.
THE STRANGER GETS TO THE BOTTOM LINE ON CHEWIE.
"The relationship between Han Solo and Chewbecca is not as severe as the colonial one, but it’s certainly not the ideal democratic relationship. Without free speech there can be no real freedom. The one that speaks will always have power over the one that can not speak. In sum, Chewbacca is the ideal slave."
Slog | The Stranger's Blog | The Stranger | Seattle's Only Newspaper
July 16, 2007
SEE HOW "WALKABLE" YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD IS.
July 15, 2007
HARD FOR PEOPLE TO BUY YOUR PRODUCT WHEN YOUR ADS PRODUCE REPRESSION.
HARD TO BELIEVE YOU DON'T HEAR THIS LINE IN ADVERTISING MORE OFTEN.
MIGHT EXPLAIN THAT STRETCHER WE'RE USING AT GUANTANAMO.
July 14, 2007
SIR - I WATCHED BILL COSBY...YOU'RE NO BILL COSBY.
"In the final days of his imploding candidacy, John McCain has taken a page out of Richard Nixon's play book, finding increasingly bizarre explanations for his political failures. Strangest of all: He reportedly feels his handlers forced him to wear "gay sweaters."
Fresh Intelligence : Radar Online
NOT EXACTLY AS GOOD AS TOM DELAY'S MUG SHOT NOW - IS IT?
I'M BEGINNING TO GET QUITE THE SICK FEELING IN MY STOMACH MYSELF.
"Chertoff said there are not enough indications of an imminent plot to raise the current threat levels nationwide. And he indicated his remarks were based on "a gut feeling" formed by past seasonal patterns of terrorist attacks, recent al-Qaida statements, and intelligence he did not disclose."
Chertoff has 'gut feeling' of summer terror attack | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle
DEFINITELY THE BEST ONE YET.
THE DRUG CZAR ISN'T.
"John P. Walters, President Bush's drug czar, said the people who plant and tend the gardens are terrorists who wouldn't hesitate to help other terrorists get into the country with the aim of causing mass casualties. Walters made the comments at a Thursday press conference that provided an update on the "Operation Alesia" marijuana-eradication effort."
Drug czar gives warning : Local : Redding Record Searchlight
RUDY'S ONTO US.
"Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani said Tuesday that people who want to legalize marijuana for medical purposes really just want to make the drug available to everyone."
Giuliani Rejects Medical Marijuana Use | World Latest | Guardian Unlimited
JAM BAND FAN OR TALIBAN?
PROVING ONCE AGAIN - THAT IT'S POSSIBLE TO BE BOTH JOLLY AND TERRIFYING.
Paging M. Night.
SHAKESPEARE. HIPPIES....NUDE.
"Audience reactions to the Washington Shakespeare Company's "Macbeth" are telling: Folks in the front sometimes cringe and move back a few rows during intermission. One man watched the play with a program in front of his eyes, blocking out the lower half of his field of vision. Clearly, an all-nude production of the Shakespearean tragedy is not for everyone."
Macduff in the Buff in All-Nude Shakespeare Performance
July 11, 2007
TODAY'S NEWS IN THE WORLD OF CONSUMERISM.
July 10, 2007
INDOOR. SOCCER. SO, SO EURO. AND SO SEVENTIES.
PARTY WITH AL GORE.
"Dancing all night can use up a lot of energy, or create it -- at least that's what a group of Dutch-researchers-cum-nightclub-impressarios hope when they're done with the Sustainable Dance Club (SDC). Based in Rotterdam, the Netherlands, the researchers and architects behind the SDC are working on creating a club that will use solar power, wind turbines, low-energy-using LED lights, and rain water and clubgoers' sweat (yes, you heard correctly) to flush toilets.
But the real innovation is to develop a dance floor that creates power out of the pounding feet of dancers. The dance floor would be embedded with sensors that would help generate electricity."
Dancers Fuel New Nightclub - Literally - Switched. Gadgets. Tech. Digital Stuff for the Rest of Us.
TODAY'S APOCALYPSE UPDATE. NEXT WEEK'S FORECAST: 85% CHANCE OF LOCUSTS.
LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO BE WATCHING A LITTLE LESS POSTSEASON BASEBALL THIS YEAR.
I guess, we're only one year away from Major League Baseball's new campaign: "Baseball - Git R Done!"
Yuk. Yuk.
Yuck.
Dane Cook Is The Face Of Postseason Baseball - Deadspin
July 09, 2007
BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU, JOHN MCCAIN.
"Though often regarded as a longshot candidate for president, Republican Ron Paul tells ABC News that he has an impressive $2.4 million in cash on hand after raising an equal amount during the second quarter, putting him ahead of one-time Republican frontrunner John McCain, who reported this week he has only $2 million in the bank."
Political Radar: Ron Paul Tops McCain in Cash on Hand
YEP - THE PARTY IS SURE TOUGH ON TERROR.
"A secret military operation in early 2005 to capture senior members of Al Qaeda in Pakistan’s tribal areas was aborted at the last minute after top Bush administration officials decided it was too risky and could jeopardize relations with Pakistan."
U.S. Aborted Raid on Qaeda Chiefs in Pakistan in ’05 - New York Times
AH - I LOVE MONDAYS.
HIS FOOT ON THE ARMREST? YOU KNOW, I THINK I'VE BEEN SEATED NEXT TO CLAY AIKEN A COUPLE OF TIMES.
July 06, 2007
SIMPLE SOLUTIONS.
SO DISTURBING AND SO HYPNOTIC ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED THE MOST AGGRAVATING HEADLINE EVER.
WHAT A WAY TO SELL THE BENEFIT OF SPACE.
AND ALSO...IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND...COULD YOU MOVE A COUPLE OF CUBICLES OVER?
"The drug’s maker, GlaxoSmithKline, has been up front about the pill’s side effects, suggesting that first timers wear dark pants or bring a change of clothes to work until they get used to the diet pill’s potentially yucky consequences."
Diet pill’s icky side effects keep users honest - Diet & Nutrition - MSNBC.com
THAT'S SOME AGGRESIVE DANCING CONSIDERING YOU'RE FOUR AND A HALF GAMES OUT OF FIRST.
OF COURSE, A LIVE-IN BATTING CAGE IN THE SEATTLE AREA'D GO FOR ABOUT $800,000.
"Amber Willits, the wife of Angels outfielder Reggie Willits, has taken hardball devotion to a new level. For the past three years, she has made a home, raised a son and helped develop a .300 hitter — all in an indoor batting cage."
Life in a Cage: Baby Sleeps, Mom Cooks, Dad Bats - New York Times
WE HAVE OFFICIALLY GIVEN UP.
"Kick back and relax this summer in the Braves new All-You-Can-Eat Seats! Purchase a Basic Package and enjoy UNLIMITED ballpark fare including Hot Dogs, Nachos, peanuts, popcorn and Coca-Cola products...all for one low price! Or upgrade to the BBQ and More Package and enjoy UNLIMITED ballpark fare plus BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwiches, BBQ Chicken Wings, Cole Slaw, Baked Potato Salad, Corn Bread and Budweiser and Bud Light."
The Official Site of The Atlanta Braves: Tickets: Braves All-You-Can-Eat Seats
July 05, 2007
TWITTER FROM THE CUBICLE.
"it is over 100 degress outside. If my coworker turns the AC off one more time I swear I will cut her. Or maybe just drip sweat on her."
Because a lot can happen between 9 and 5. | trueofficeconfessions.com
YOU JUST CAN'T SPELL CORRUPTION WITHOUR KBR.
STAYING CLASSY, ONE MIDWESTERN CITY AT A TIME.
YEAH - BUT DON'T MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS...THIS IS THE SAME ADMINISTRATION THAT THOUGHT IRAQ WOULD BE A MINOR OBSTACLE.
"Bush administration officials, he said, "believe that they should be able to do what they want to do, and that the law is a minor obstacle."
Bill Clinton blasts commutation of Libby's prison sentence - CNN.com
Thanks to the great Huffington Post for the find.
July 04, 2007
BRING IT.
July 03, 2007
COULD BE GOOD NEWS FOR THE ADVERTISING BRAND MANAGER FOR THE METH ACCOUNT.
"The 32-year-old Black Eyed Peas singer is the first global star to consent to product placement in her songs - agreeing to include the provocative clothing line Candie's in her lyrics."
A New Low: Fergie Paid To Incorporate Brand Names Into Songs
July 02, 2007
WELL, HEY - THE GUY NEEDS SOMETHING TO DO WHEN HE'S NOT VETOING STEM CELL RESEARCH.
"WASHINGTON - President Bush spared former White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby from a 2 1/2-year prison term in the CIA leak case Monday"
Bush commutes Libby prison sentence - Yahoo! News
SPORTS FASHION FOR MUSLIM WOMEN.
YOU JUST KNOW IF THIS WERE AN OLD FRIARS CLUB JOKE, THE ZOO KEEPER'D HAVE A FUNNY PUNCHLINE THAT STARTED WITH..."DON'T LOOK AT ME, I..."
"Hansa, Woodland Park Zoo's 6 1/2-year-old elephant, died of a previously undiscovered herpes virus, zoo officials announced Monday."
Herpes cited in death of Hansa
I CONTINUE TO LOVE MCSWEENEY'S.
